no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize