The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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