12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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