What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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