I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
