dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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