i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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