i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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