I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
