well you can't waste a boner
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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