So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
