Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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