i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
