It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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