I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
