Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
