all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize