fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
