We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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