you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize