Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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