i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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