i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
