every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
