I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
