She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
two words...techno handjob
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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