This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
