I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
