I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
