You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
