I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
