apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
