Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just want nice things and good sex
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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