She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
