Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
