I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
