also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
