i used baking grease as lip gloss
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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