And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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