i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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