how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
