what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
