so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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