So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
