My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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