I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
