Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
