This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
