i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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