a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
