Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
