In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're like the curious george of whores
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
