so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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