SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
