Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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