This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
