i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You need Xanax blowdarts
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
