I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
