If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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