My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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