Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize