I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
