Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
