did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
