I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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