I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
