# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
