I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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