My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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