And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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